idk IS hr: fRIEND OR fOE?

Chapter 2: Hello, Welcome!

You have now been hired into the machine. A team. A culture. Perhaps you even believe the mission statement, the career growth promises, and the way they address you in the offer letter. You imagine mentorship, collaboration, and a future. But what you’re really entering is a machine.

A faceless, soulless machine running on metrics, optics, and just enough human cheer to keep you compliant. The language is warm. The first week at the new job is intoxicating. The company swag bag feels like a prize from the universe. You walk into orientation bright-eyed, holding a cup of coffee with the company logo, and sit in a glossy conference room where smiling HR representatives tell you how valued you are.

The buzzwords pour in like champagne: • “We’re like a family here.” • “You’re not just a number.” • “We care about our people.” And you believe it because you want to. The truth is that onboarding is meant to make you feel safe before you notice the cracks. The warm welcome isn't about you. It's about building brand loyalty and getting you emotionally invested before you realize the 'family' you've joined is run like a stockholder's portfolio.